Trusting through the Transition

"Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head." --Luke 9:58

Every single day I have been in Houston I have seen a butterfly.  Whether it's a monarch that flies in my path or a pair of earrings worn by someone I meet, butterflies just keep turning up.  It's not really an emotional or exciting experience for me--it's more like my manna: my daily reminder that God is with me.  And like the Israelites in the desert, there are days when it doesn't quite feel enough.  God, I know you're with me, but are you sure this is where I'm supposed to be?  Am I doing any good here?  Did you really bring me here.  Each butterfly, though I often don't even realize it, and frankly sometimes I feel sick of it (though I know I'm not), is my little reminder: "Yes, Kelsey, I brought you here.  Yes, Kelsey, I am with you.  Keep going."  Alright, God, I'll keep going.  I don't feel at home yet, but I'll trust you.  It's not easy, but I will...

The last couple of weeks have helped me develop somewhat of a routine.  I am still waiting on my car (it's coming tomorrow!), so I've been transportationally at others' disposal.  This is a humbling yet rewarding experience.  It's difficult to constantly ask for help knowing I'm interrupting others' schedules, but through my reliance on others my schedule has become subject to theirs.  I'm learning submission and being content wherever and with whoever.  Not only that, but my lack in the vehicle department has allowed me extra time with friends like Hannah Rode.  I love how much time I've gotten to spend with her--she's becoming more like family.  It's amazing to me how valuable the relationship becomes when we spend time just BEing together--not arranging for a meeting and a life catch-up, but just doing daily life with someone else.  And Hannah is a wonderful, encouraging, inspiring woman of the Lord, and I am extremely thankfully that God has placed us in each other's lives for such a time as this.

I am getting adjusted to my job here at A. D. Players a bit better, too.  The office (PR) side is still going to take some work.  I've spent a lot of my time at jobs and in environments where I am constantly living into my gifts and passions.  PR, at least for now, is not exactly what I'd call my "calling" in life.  I'm not bad at it, but it's definitely more of a "job."  Such is life, but I'm seeking ways to enjoy myself and to learn, while also waiting on God in hopes that once I've proved myself faithful he has something more up his sleeve that will really tap into how he has uniquely created me.  I'm especially hoping that pretty soon I'll be able to get involved with TAA (Theater Arts Academy) here so I can be around kids again.  Taking a break from being with kids, though, has been a great reminder for me that I really do love it.

I also had two auditions here last week.  I have yet to hear back about them, but even a simple 30 minute session of reading from a script gave me the boost of energy/joy I needed to re-excite me about this place.  I felt good about the auditions, too.  I may not have gotten either role (although I hope I did!), but either way I walked out confident that this is something God has gifted me in.  I have a lot to learn/grow, but this is definitely an appropriate path for me.

OH!  And suuuuuper cool audition story!  At our first audition, we each had to take a form and a writing utensil.  I didn't take the time to pick my preference, I just grabbed whatever I could get.  As I was filling out my sheet, I noticed that the pencil I had nonchalantly grabbed was A SPIDERMAN PENCIL.  Of all the pencils I could have gotten, I GOT A SPIDERMAN PENCIL!?!  And the fact that they even had a SPIDERMAN pencil boggled my mind.  I literally danced around when this happened, much to the confusion/disinterest of everyone around me...  I didn't care ;).  In that moment I knew, God is with me.  It doesn't even matter if I get the part or not, because the God of the universe cares about me enough to give me a SPIDERMAN pencil.  Haha.  Ya, I probably sound silly, but for me, it's the little things in life that bring me the most joy!  (In case you don't know me that well/couldn't figure it out from my repetition and caps lock usage--I really love Spiderman).

Other than that... Ten random insights into life a la Kelsey: 1.) I love my friends/family/mentors--thank you for all the encouragement and support!  2.) Traffic/driving is crazy confusing here.  3.)  I still lose everything--some things never change   4.)  No, I still will not go on blind dates with your 30 year old friends, Ben  5.)  Clay pens are just as fun to make at home as they are at camp  6.)  Good community/living for God is harder to find outside college, but it'll get there  7.) Andy Stanley sermons are THE BEST--northpoint.org/messages, check 'em out!   8.) dancing around like a maniac never gets old--especially when done with close friends  9.)  I miss me some Manna Church and good ol' Camp Geneva  10.) One of the exciting but absolute hardest thing about transitions is that nobody knows where you've been.  Yes, it's fun to start new things, but I am really learning to appreciate how beautiful it is to be known.

New Beginnings

        Quick summary of the week's events...  Survived the 20+ hour drive to Houston with some great Joyce Meyer cds, a healthy sampling of Lion King tunes, and the expected amount of bickering/differences of opinion.  Apparently my mom isn't as keen on incredibly cheap motel prices in exchange for the smoke, sticky surfaces, stains, and dirt smudges.  My philosophy--as long as we don't die.  Her philosophy--dying would have been better. Moved in and settled with a super cool roommate who is as obsessed with Batman as I am with Spidey.  No car and living 20 minutes away from the theater in a gated community--never thought that would happen!  Thankfully that makes all of my friends and family feel a little bit safer with my lack of inhibitions, but I'd be sleeping over in a back room of the theater since it sounds like I'll pretty much be there every waking moment anyway.  Went to church on Sunday with my dear friend Hannah Rode and volunteered with her brother at his church on Monday.  Started work at the A. D. Players yesterday.   My main focus during the day as an Acting Intern will be PR (today that meant a lot of *COUGH* organizing... I was praying to God for help the entire time... ha) and the Theatre Arts Academy with afternoon acting classes with the artistic/founding director Jeanette Cliff-George, an 87 year old woman with tons of talent, spunk, and a beautifully spiritual connectedness to theatre/life.  It might be a while before I'll be able to perform since a few of the first shows were already cast before I got down here and there's a toooon of incredible talent within the company already, but performing isn't why I'm here anyway.  Yeah, that's what I love, but what I love more is God and following his leading--this is where he lead me, so I'm ready for whatever he has in store for me! (Which, at least somewhere in the future, I do hope includes some stage time... ;D).

        Alright, time to put a magnifying glass to my quick glimpse at the whirlwind of events and get my take on this whole transition. Thankfully, living in the present is something I've been focusing on for years, so going with the flow hasn't been too hard on me.  But I must say, for one of the first times in my life I really do miss people.  My community in Holland is incredible.  I really found a place and purpose there.  I miss my friends, mentors, teachers, neighbors...  The people I've met are incredible, but they're not my family.  Houston is a great adventure, but it isn't home.  I know if this is supposed to be long-term, it'll get there, just like it did in Holland, but if not, this is such a great learning experience and such a beautiful reminder that no matter where we are in the world we aren't really "Home" yet, anyway.

        Going to church on Sunday was such a beautiful reminder of this. Right before Hannah texted me to go to church, I was overcome with a huge sense of smallness.  My first night I wasn't sure how to be myself around people--I felt alone, shy, and blank--a wallflower taking everything in instead of engaging alongside everyone.  The next morning I had an incredible devotion.  God reminded me that I am valuable simply because I am HIS, not because of my personality, talents, or anything I have stashed in my bucket of uniqueness.  I am loved because I am his.  This was such a humbling yet freeing reminder that gave me the boost of confidence and energy I needed to step out with Hannah's church community, and I did!  It was such a beautiful morning--people sharing God's word, worshipping, and fellowshiping.  I c
ouldn't stop smiling!  I was overcome by the re-discovery of God's eternal and omniscient presence.  He is with us ALWAYS and EVERYWHERE.  And not only that, but God's family is everywhere!  It was so amazing to me how quickly I connected with the community at Hannah's church, simply because our purpose being there was rooted in Christ.  We are a family!  Sure, this part of my family is more like going to a reunion with third-cousins you've heard about on occassion, but, nevertheless, family they are!  And when we had communion, I was reminded that I am connected to my friends and family back home by that table.  I got to share a meal from afar with so many of the people I cared about.

        So in summary?  I'm doing well.  No, It's not easy, but it's good. Why?  Because God's in it.  He's with me, behind me, and before me. He ain't lettin me go, no sirreeee.

**Butterfly sighting of the week:  Jan, Hannah Rode's mom, brought me to her house for dinner last night and there were butterflies hanging on the door and above the dinner table.  Apparently she bought them in honor of her sister who passed away a few years ago and told her kids that anytime they see a butterfly to think of her.