There and Back Again

"I don't know how to say it, but after last night I feel different.  I seem to see ahead, in a kind of way.  I know we are going to take a very long road, into darkness; but I know I can't turn back.  It isn't to see Elves now, nor mountains, nor dragons that I want--I don't rightly know what I want: but I have something to do before the end, and it lies ahead, not in the Shire.  I must see it through, sir, if you understand me."

Samwise Gamgee, The Fellowship of the Ring

I'm currently reading The Lord of The Rings, which got me thinking... imagine if Frodo began to question his task in destroying the ring, and instead decided, You know, I'm getting a little homesick, maybe I'll just go back to the Shire and forget this whole ring business... Uhh, Frodo?  Hate to break it to you, but even if you went home it's not going to be the same.  All that warm fuzzy comfort you felt in the Shire won't exist the way it used to.  You've been called out to something greater than yourself.  Don't fight it!

Siblings!!!!  Happy graduation, Brotha!

I recently visited my Shire (also known as Holland, MI) for a short stay.  I can't tell you how much of a blessing it was to reunite with so many people that I care deeply for, but I also learned a few challenging lessons in the process.  It was as if the community that I used to call my home became more like a relative I hadn't seen since the last big holiday.  Oh, hey, Holland, my my you've gotten taller--you've been eating your veggies haven't you!?  Visiting a past season is funny, I still found my place and felt a sense of belonging, but I was also humbled to know that I am not needed there.  Yes, God allowed me to form wonderful, lasting relationships in Michigan... for a season.  And that doesn't mean he won't ever call me to return.  But life, I'm realizing, is so much bigger than ourselves, or even a particular place, and what good does it do to fight where God is calling us?  As I appropriately read from Ecclesiastes 7:10 during my stay, "Don't always be asking, 'Where are the good old days?'  Wise folks don't ask questions like that."  Touche, God.  And if that wasn't enough of a brick to the head, my mentor Steve Smallegan also reminded me, "God always moves forward."

After kicking and screaming a little over the thought of returning, God blessed me with a deep peace about my new (temporary... I'm just reconciling with this fact of life now, it's not that I'm anxious to leave or anything) home here in Texas.  Though I mourned the end of the Michigan season, I am so excited about the direction this new season is heading!  Just yesterday at work, we had a wonderful speaker from Sanford University give us an inspiring message about the role of the believer artist in shaping the world.  My passion for theater was rekindled... as it has been so many times since being here.  By being faithful to where I truly believe God has guided me, I trust he is up to something extraordinary.  And not only in what I am doing but all over!  That's what's so cool about visiting a past season--God let me in on a glimpse of what he was doing in Holland, and I trust that his Holy Spirit is working in and through people to continue that good work.  And now I get to be let in on a bit of what he's doing in Houston!  And let me tell you, what God is doing is good--something He continues to remind my ye-of-little-faith-self.  Just so I wouldn't miss him, I'm sure, just as I started to go through the exit door of the Houston airport after my Holland adventure, what piece of children's artwork did I notice hanging off to the side?  That's right: a butterfly.

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Just for my own sake in keeping a chronicle of sorts (and for anyone who's curious, I suppose ha), I'll also list off a few things that I've been up to these past few months...

Lots of time spent with a beautiful Miss Christen Hood before she started her incredible adventure at Wilderness Ranch this summer!  Bunny "hunting," ultimate frisbee, deep (and not so deep...) conversations ha, praaaayer, runs around the neighborhood, etc.  Love it.

Roommate switcheroo--Makayle we miss you!!!!!!!!  We can't wait to hear all about your summer adventures!... And Trisha, welcome to a few months of Goofy/Oopsie.  Skipping through flood puddles?  Hope that made a great move-in day greeting!

I was able to help out with the Theater Arts Academy winter production of "Law and Order: Fairy Tale Unit" for a couple months.  It was a class/show with about 15 kids from 5th-12th grade.  I loooooved every second with those guys!  Reunion soon?  Maybe some Ninja and a little Kunja?  Yes, please!

Still dreaming up some ways to bring theater to the streets... Lots of cool ideas... Starting to see headway... Praise the Lord!

Me as Kaa the Snake with some kids from the audience

The Jungle Book closed recently... Puppeting a giant snake was not the easiest role for me by any means, but I got to learn the lovely lesson of humility (again), have fun with good friends (MEGAN!  WE WERE FINALLY IN A SHOW TOGETHER!!!), pretend to be animals--at work!, enchant kids with the beauty of the theater, and walk out with a pretty darn strong right arm.

Young Life is over for the summer =/... But sophomore ladies, we best still be hanging out yo!  Menchies?  Torchy's?   YES.  Would you rather be a floating mouth or live in a swarm of people the rest of your life?  Haha.  Y'all seriously bring me so much joy!  I love you girls!!!

And... you know... all the little things are my favorite things, but that doesn't make a great blog entry ;).  I will say, though, in case you hadn't heard the ending of my crazy curler saga.  After an entire day (sleepover and all) of attempting to get out the curlers I got stuck in my hair on Easter (yup, went to church and out to a country club with my boss that day... curlers and all...), through a weird series of events I wound up at a random salon, with a random employee who should have had the day off, who was the only one there/basically anywhere who would have been able to help, who happened to have time on his hands because the customer who called him in for a special favor, was able to retrieve the curlers from my hair!  Not only that but we were able to have a really meaningful conversation... his two sons (my age) died of cancer--one being just a few months ago... Sad, but beautifully powerful.  And then, at the end of the entire escapade, he gave me his business card.  And what was on it?  That's right.  A giant butterfly.  Guess God really does care about the hairs on our head.

Psst!  There are 2 hidden videos in this blog.... dun dun dun! ;)

The Butterfly's Song

"Cause every single day we live is a gift,
So think of this when you need a lift.
Sooner or later the sun will always rise,

Though the darkness has its time when its over,
The light will rule the skies."
--from the Butterfly's song in Thumbelina

     I've been putting off this next blog post... not because I have nothing to talk about, by any means.  Rather, I find myself learning and growing in new, exciting ways each and every day, and a simple blog entry seems insufficient (especially when I haven't written in months!).  Instead of getting caught up in all the untold tales, though, I've decided to let this entry be my free-for-all, whirlwind of an adventure. I have no idea what I'm going to disclose, but here I go!...

     Yesterday marked the last performance of Thumbelina, a show/role I was incredibly blessed to receive.  Although I rather enjoyed myself, my performance of Thumbelina was by no means the pinnacle of my acting career.  In fact, it was actually a pretty humbling experience...  I often find myself amused when others assume actors just do theater for the applause and recognition.  While that may be true for some/at times, I've found I'd much rather have what happens onstage stays onstage--I enjoy living in the moment throughout a performance, but afterwards I often try to go along as if nothing had taken place.  It's not that I'm advocating this approach or anything, but it does reveal something about myself.  My separation of onstage and offstage shows me a tendency to be pretty hard on myself, which can often translate to me thinking others are as equally hard on me.  I know that isn't true, or at least it isn't true all the time, but it's so easy in the theater world to be critical of our own performance as well as others'.  I remember times in junior high and high school where I'd watch shows and think, "I could do sooo much better than that!"--which, right or wrong, is never healthy because that isn't the point!  First of all, my level of giftedness, high or low, is nothing to boast about or even to feel sorry for since a gift is just that: A GIFT.  Any role or talent I have received is something to thank God for, and any area that I find myself lacking in is something to be grateful for, too, because it reminds me who I am: a person.  A limited person who is extraordinary in the ordinary because of the beautiful giver of those gifts.  And, second of all, I should be able to rejoice in the successes, discoveries, and beauty in others' performances as well as my own.  Besides, if I am confident enough in who God has made me and where he has me, the comparison game should never even enter the picture.  The more I grow as an artist, the more I want to be able to see the beauty in all art I encounter.

     In case it wasn't clear already, the lesson I'm learning in regards to theater can easily be applied to life as a whole. There are so many ways to perform other than on a stage... I especially find myself learning this lesson as a follower of God.  I am tired of "performing" for Christ.  It's about time I rest in the freedom he's given me!  Let's stop comparing ourselves to other Christians--thinking we're better or will never have faith like so-and-so, and rest in what God has done while continuing to take the steps placed in front of us.  Life is a journey, and if where we would like to be isn't where we are yet, well that's probably because teleportation doesn't fit in with the law of nature.  Just because we haven't reached the destination yet, doesn't mean we're not on the right path!  Grace, grace, and more grace with a whole lot of thankfulness and contentment--that's more and more the way I think life is supposed to operate.

Me and my good friend Christen Hood as Russian ballerinas for a YL skit

    Anyway, that's just one of the many MANY things that I've been pondering lately.  I hope you appreciated a glimpse into my mind.  Had I written this blog two hours ago I'm sure it would have been completely different.  But now that you've entered into a few of my thoughts, I'll let you into a sliver of my schedule with a brief (ish) overview of some of what I've been up to...

--I am so thankful to have an incredible church community.  I looooove the 20s/30s ministry called the Table.  For the past couple months we've been going through "The Song of Solomon."  With my natural disposition to avoiding anything and everything relationship-focused, this was actually very healthy and freeing for me and has opened my eyes to what a beautiful picture a Christ-honoring marriage can look like, and not only that, but how beautiful our greatly-anticipated Marriage with our Savior will be!  The Table also gets together often for fun social gatherings and service projects.  My favorite is when we serve food to/hanging out with the homeless at Mainstreet Ministries.  I always find it so ironic that serving always blesses the server.  I almost feel guilty that I get so much out of what I always think should feel like a sacrifice, but I'm not going to complain!  I love the joy that God brings!

--Obviously the theater... Performing Thumbelina has been a blast.  I love meeting all the kids afterwards.  I am always so excited to meet them that I forget they're excited to see me, too!  I got to be a princess--and there's nothing like a princess to excite and inspire little children!  I've also been able to form a lot of incredible relationships with cast/crew/others I work with.  I've seen God use me here and I've seen how God has used others here to shape me.  There are a million things I could talk about in this category, but for the sake of time I'm going to move on...

--Roomie time!  Makayle Alexander (and quasi-roommate Megan Jackson who often stays with us).  I can't tell you how much fun the two of us have together.  Office marathons, crazy car rides, meal sharing... as I reflect on our time together I'm realizing how all of what we do together is all so seemingly ordinary.  But when done with someone you enjoy/care about, the mundane isn't mundane at all--it's fresh and exciting!  I think that's the way life is meant to be... I also spent Christmas with Makayle's family... it's how things ended up working out, and it was such a great adventure.  I felt so included in her family... and loved.  By her family and by my own back home)...  Many more grand adventures are yet to come with both Makayle Alexander and Megan Jackson... many more... plans are in the works, but it's not safe to talk about yet ;).

Lost in the woods for 4 hrs on Thanksgiving... Cops came (unnecessary)... SO FUN

--I go on walks... A LOT.  Everywhere.  To everywhere.  Surprised?  Probably not.  Morning runs are also a necessity.

--Young Life.  We took a break from Christmas until recently, but I'm excited to get back in the swing of that again.  I have a really sweet team, and there are a couple girls I'm really looking forward to spending more time with.

--Visitors!  My friend Jackie was my first friend to fly in.  We had some great adventures museum hunting, experiencing the infamous Hobbit cafe, free symphony concert craziness, and working through some rough and tough life happs together.  My family also visited which was absolutely extraordinary.  I loved having some great one-on-one time with my sister.  She's not much of a phone talker (or much of a talker at all for that matter) so having some time and places for great conversation was truly incredible.  And of course, my dear mother, my though-I-don't-always-admit-it close-to-future-self.  I love her.  And it was fun to have her see who/what I'm always talking to her about.  And as my fellow actors Craig and Linford said to me after meeting her, "We can see how you are who you are now."  Oh family... so great.

--FRIENDS!  Near and far.  Whether that means a phone call with a struggling Holland-er, a chocolate party with some goofy gals, or a really random reunion with a friend who from afar (Andrew Massotta and I hung out... in Texas... at a Mexican restaurant... ON CHRISTMAS EVE.  Life is crazy sometimes).  Relationships are truly what give life life.

Well that's just a small sampling of life a la Houston.  I pray for y'all near and far often.  I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for each and every one of you, so thank you.  And don't be a stranger.  I have a phone, internet, and, heck, who doesn't love surprise visitors?! ;)