The Butterfly's Song

"Cause every single day we live is a gift,
So think of this when you need a lift.
Sooner or later the sun will always rise,

Though the darkness has its time when its over,
The light will rule the skies."
--from the Butterfly's song in Thumbelina

     I've been putting off this next blog post... not because I have nothing to talk about, by any means.  Rather, I find myself learning and growing in new, exciting ways each and every day, and a simple blog entry seems insufficient (especially when I haven't written in months!).  Instead of getting caught up in all the untold tales, though, I've decided to let this entry be my free-for-all, whirlwind of an adventure. I have no idea what I'm going to disclose, but here I go!...

     Yesterday marked the last performance of Thumbelina, a show/role I was incredibly blessed to receive.  Although I rather enjoyed myself, my performance of Thumbelina was by no means the pinnacle of my acting career.  In fact, it was actually a pretty humbling experience...  I often find myself amused when others assume actors just do theater for the applause and recognition.  While that may be true for some/at times, I've found I'd much rather have what happens onstage stays onstage--I enjoy living in the moment throughout a performance, but afterwards I often try to go along as if nothing had taken place.  It's not that I'm advocating this approach or anything, but it does reveal something about myself.  My separation of onstage and offstage shows me a tendency to be pretty hard on myself, which can often translate to me thinking others are as equally hard on me.  I know that isn't true, or at least it isn't true all the time, but it's so easy in the theater world to be critical of our own performance as well as others'.  I remember times in junior high and high school where I'd watch shows and think, "I could do sooo much better than that!"--which, right or wrong, is never healthy because that isn't the point!  First of all, my level of giftedness, high or low, is nothing to boast about or even to feel sorry for since a gift is just that: A GIFT.  Any role or talent I have received is something to thank God for, and any area that I find myself lacking in is something to be grateful for, too, because it reminds me who I am: a person.  A limited person who is extraordinary in the ordinary because of the beautiful giver of those gifts.  And, second of all, I should be able to rejoice in the successes, discoveries, and beauty in others' performances as well as my own.  Besides, if I am confident enough in who God has made me and where he has me, the comparison game should never even enter the picture.  The more I grow as an artist, the more I want to be able to see the beauty in all art I encounter.

     In case it wasn't clear already, the lesson I'm learning in regards to theater can easily be applied to life as a whole. There are so many ways to perform other than on a stage... I especially find myself learning this lesson as a follower of God.  I am tired of "performing" for Christ.  It's about time I rest in the freedom he's given me!  Let's stop comparing ourselves to other Christians--thinking we're better or will never have faith like so-and-so, and rest in what God has done while continuing to take the steps placed in front of us.  Life is a journey, and if where we would like to be isn't where we are yet, well that's probably because teleportation doesn't fit in with the law of nature.  Just because we haven't reached the destination yet, doesn't mean we're not on the right path!  Grace, grace, and more grace with a whole lot of thankfulness and contentment--that's more and more the way I think life is supposed to operate.

Me and my good friend Christen Hood as Russian ballerinas for a YL skit

    Anyway, that's just one of the many MANY things that I've been pondering lately.  I hope you appreciated a glimpse into my mind.  Had I written this blog two hours ago I'm sure it would have been completely different.  But now that you've entered into a few of my thoughts, I'll let you into a sliver of my schedule with a brief (ish) overview of some of what I've been up to...

--I am so thankful to have an incredible church community.  I looooove the 20s/30s ministry called the Table.  For the past couple months we've been going through "The Song of Solomon."  With my natural disposition to avoiding anything and everything relationship-focused, this was actually very healthy and freeing for me and has opened my eyes to what a beautiful picture a Christ-honoring marriage can look like, and not only that, but how beautiful our greatly-anticipated Marriage with our Savior will be!  The Table also gets together often for fun social gatherings and service projects.  My favorite is when we serve food to/hanging out with the homeless at Mainstreet Ministries.  I always find it so ironic that serving always blesses the server.  I almost feel guilty that I get so much out of what I always think should feel like a sacrifice, but I'm not going to complain!  I love the joy that God brings!

--Obviously the theater... Performing Thumbelina has been a blast.  I love meeting all the kids afterwards.  I am always so excited to meet them that I forget they're excited to see me, too!  I got to be a princess--and there's nothing like a princess to excite and inspire little children!  I've also been able to form a lot of incredible relationships with cast/crew/others I work with.  I've seen God use me here and I've seen how God has used others here to shape me.  There are a million things I could talk about in this category, but for the sake of time I'm going to move on...

--Roomie time!  Makayle Alexander (and quasi-roommate Megan Jackson who often stays with us).  I can't tell you how much fun the two of us have together.  Office marathons, crazy car rides, meal sharing... as I reflect on our time together I'm realizing how all of what we do together is all so seemingly ordinary.  But when done with someone you enjoy/care about, the mundane isn't mundane at all--it's fresh and exciting!  I think that's the way life is meant to be... I also spent Christmas with Makayle's family... it's how things ended up working out, and it was such a great adventure.  I felt so included in her family... and loved.  By her family and by my own back home)...  Many more grand adventures are yet to come with both Makayle Alexander and Megan Jackson... many more... plans are in the works, but it's not safe to talk about yet ;).

Lost in the woods for 4 hrs on Thanksgiving... Cops came (unnecessary)... SO FUN

--I go on walks... A LOT.  Everywhere.  To everywhere.  Surprised?  Probably not.  Morning runs are also a necessity.

--Young Life.  We took a break from Christmas until recently, but I'm excited to get back in the swing of that again.  I have a really sweet team, and there are a couple girls I'm really looking forward to spending more time with.

--Visitors!  My friend Jackie was my first friend to fly in.  We had some great adventures museum hunting, experiencing the infamous Hobbit cafe, free symphony concert craziness, and working through some rough and tough life happs together.  My family also visited which was absolutely extraordinary.  I loved having some great one-on-one time with my sister.  She's not much of a phone talker (or much of a talker at all for that matter) so having some time and places for great conversation was truly incredible.  And of course, my dear mother, my though-I-don't-always-admit-it close-to-future-self.  I love her.  And it was fun to have her see who/what I'm always talking to her about.  And as my fellow actors Craig and Linford said to me after meeting her, "We can see how you are who you are now."  Oh family... so great.

--FRIENDS!  Near and far.  Whether that means a phone call with a struggling Holland-er, a chocolate party with some goofy gals, or a really random reunion with a friend who from afar (Andrew Massotta and I hung out... in Texas... at a Mexican restaurant... ON CHRISTMAS EVE.  Life is crazy sometimes).  Relationships are truly what give life life.

Well that's just a small sampling of life a la Houston.  I pray for y'all near and far often.  I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for each and every one of you, so thank you.  And don't be a stranger.  I have a phone, internet, and, heck, who doesn't love surprise visitors?! ;)